dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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