I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
