You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
