I cockslap morals
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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