I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
