Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
