Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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