You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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