none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You can't motorboat a personality
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
