Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
