8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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