I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
