His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
