thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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