We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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