:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
