If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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