dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
