I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
