Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
