I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Who died my cat blue again?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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