she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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