it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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