New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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