piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
