Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
