Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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