U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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