i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
