Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
