How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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