Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
