he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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