Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
