then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
