Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
