your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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