Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
