I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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