I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
