Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
