Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
