I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
