you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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