I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
now i know why i became what i already was.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
