I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
