I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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