Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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