Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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