Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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