I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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