that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
