Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
