somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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