my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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