I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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