so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
