I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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