Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
