but the lizard people decide everything anyway
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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