I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Enjoy the penises
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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