And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
