U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
