I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
