if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
