I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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