I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
