If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
