i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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